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Dear Jimmyboy,
Thankyou, and I love you.
No matter, how i am, or what i do, you've been there for me.
What more is there to say
when the one whom you love, gives you everything,
and asks for nothing in return.
What more is there to say, when he accepts you, for all the times you've had,
for all the memories you hold dear in your heart
for all the times he may not always understands
but know, that in time,
it will, get better.
Better in time.
I've been crying alot lately, in fact, i haven't stopped in a long time.
My eyes hurt, my heart hurts, every part of me, is mangled and torn.
What should i do.
What should i do
What if i lose all the people in my life.
What if i can't move on.
I'm scared.
I'll be honest and just say I am.
I miss you so dearly.
I miss you both so.
My grandma and the love of my life Leon.
Somehow, she made me feel different.
I had clothes at the beginning of the year, that i knew i could count on, and that had endless and selfless love embedded within. I miss her, so much. I long to hug her, in which i never really have, i long to see her, touch me and tell me she loves me as much as i love her.
She was, and still is, the grandmother i hold dear in my heart. I remember the day i cried till my nose bled, i felt like all the love in the world had been sucked out, and yet, somehow, i felt comforted, that she could be relieved of all the financial burden she had to carry. All the burden of the poor family she had always been stuck in. I wish, i could hold her in my arms, in this house that i am in now. I carry her, in my heart all the time, and i think of her, when i think of people mentioning their grandparents, whom they might complain about, or talk about. Because in my heart, i never had the chance to grow old enough to talk to her like i really meant it. And when i wanted to, or now, when i wish i could, i've completely lost the chance. I feel sorry for myself. So sorry, because i can't look back and say i had happy memories which i could genuinely count on. I miss you grandma, i miss you. I miss you so much..
The love of my life, Leon.
You're away from Singapore from now, away from the one place, where i can safely say, that i still have you in my arms to hold. It was so hard, to see you leave on the 18th, i felt like a part of me was slowly being torn away. And all i could do, was watch you leave. Everyday i cry, and i don't know how it helps, but i still miss you, Even when i'm with someone else, i tell that person all about you, how you've changed my life, how you were revolutionary. I met you under circumstances, that made it seem, like we might only last a while, but it carried on for 8 months, and i was so proud of you, so proud of myself, being able to stick around, and for once, love somebody so selflessly, that everytime i just wanted to give for your sake. There were times, when i felt like i couldn't go on, and you saved me from all the pain inside. I felt so burdened, so strung up, so helpless, and you were always there. It's been 4 months, and you still linger on my mind, even although not as a lover, you keep me sane sometimes on the inside. Thank you for all the fantastic times, though many people may not understand, how much both of us had gone through, i still hold onto to you, i still onto all those happy memories inside, because i know, that even not as lovers, we are, and will continue to be, the best of friends, the best, of what both of us, can be for each other.
Goodbye My Lover,
Maybe not forever,
But till time brings us back.
It is, truly ,
where
Both of us belong
& Till then, my faithful readers.
You may not understand the pain that tears your heart apart, of the stinging tears, that only the four walls respond to
But know, that when the day comes, all you have to do, is just, really let it all out. Find an outlet, not a destructive one, but a constructive one, work something out, and maybe, just maybe, something good will come out of it.
These tears that sting,
this love that slings.
To the one i love,
to the one that brings.
to all my loved ones
i hold dear in my heart
thank you for this life i'm in
thank you, for this everlasting sin.
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